The mornings are getting a little bit lighter and the evenings a little bit longer. What a relief. I have been waiting for this to happen for so long for, but yet it feels like they have also come around so quickly. It feels like just a couple of weeks ago, I was asking myself and Googling “what should I buy a 7 month old for Christmas? Do babies open their own presents? Where can I find a keepsake for a baby’s first Christmas? Can she eat sprouts at 7 months??” All of those thoughts and more felt like they had consumed me for months and then suddenly, they just simply disappeared again as if nothing happened. Where did the time go? The question I ask myself almost daily during my transition into motherhood.
The whole of December felt like I was in action mode managing life, baby, illnesses, play dates, thoughts of maternity leave almost being over, anxiety, and so much more. January however, really felt as though I was in complete survival mode. This isn’t a feeling exclusive to coming out of the holiday season, though when you add a little sprinkling of several grey days in a row, the first day of work creeping up on you, and also seasonal depression which effects a lot of us anyway, it just made this month feel just that little bit more overwhelming at times.
What is there to look forward to? I am personally at the stage where looking forward right now feels like I am wishing away the final months of being a mama to my first little baby. It also feels like if I look forward too much, all I envision really is being in the actual trenches trying to balance not just home life, mum life, social life, and all the lives but also WORK life on top of all of that!? I’m sorry, I’d rather look back, but not too far back because those newborn sleep deprived times aren’t the sweetest memories that’s for sure!
Minus the conspicuous feelings about January, it hasn’t been all bad. The moment I realised that this was the month where ‘survival mode’ was going to be ramped up to new heights, I made the commitment to myself that I wasn’t going to loose sight of what is really important. Staying present. Now trust me, I know that it is way easier said than done because honestly, there were several days where I just wanted to pack it all in and just put my headscarf I wear to bed back on, throw on some cosy pjs and curl up in bed with a permanent ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign printed on my head. I had to listen to myself but also commit to continuously pulling myself out of bed, showing up for my LO, and also trying to show up for myself even on the days where the sky was so grey that it felt pointless even trying.
Of course there are days where the thought process simply doesn’t flow that way. Some days were days where just making bottles, baby lunch and changing her were my biggest achievements. But, I wanted to dedicate this months A Mother First post to surviving the rougher days during the dreariest month of the year. I am going to share with you how exactly I did that and hopefully, inspire you to work to find what helps you to just survive the tough days, weeks and months too.
Survival mode phase 1: Managing illness
My baby could have a runny nose today and I will for sure have full-blown flu tomorrow. Why on earth does this happen and why do these little people get us big people so sick, so easily?! Managing illness was something I was fretting over for months as I feared that my baby would get scary poorly if she were to get her first cold. Although we did have a little bit of a moment with her back in November, she really did recover fairly quickly. Me on the other hand, I was out for weeks. The pressure and responsibility of needing to push through was unreal, and had me asking myself why no one has ever warned me about this before?! It was brutal. It really did feel like nothing I could do was helping me get better any quicker, and in the end I had just accepted my fate. It’s not like I had any holiday parties, drinks or any kind of events booked or planned so why not just enjoy my new “woe is me” personality trait? I know why, because it was just another reminder of how much of my life just doesn’t feel like it’s my life anymore. Instead, I decided to research how not to get sick again and to my surprise, there was no ground-breaking advice out there, just many articles telling me to do the things I have been lacking as of late.
After finding out that all I needed to do to avoid getting sick again was to magically have tons of extra time on my hands to perfectly take care of myself, I realised that there really was no miracle avoidant to illness. Instead, I needed to somehow make this time to put myself first, especially during January. I started drinking more water, exercising again, eating more fruit and veg, and trying to get better quality sleep (because where am I going to get more sleep from, like is it on sale on Net-a-Porter?).
The thing about sleep..
Yes. I gave up on trying to get more sleep a little while ago. Naps took out too much time in the day. I always felt like I would wake up after a few hours and then frantically try and do everything before the day ended. How many hours I sleep at night is ruled completely by baby who sleeps in her cot in our room, so there was no hope there either. In the end I decided that the only way to survive this phase is to figure out how to get a better quality of sleep.
I signed myself up to TikTok university and studied under the professors of sleep to figure out what to do (I couldn’t help myself with that one). Obviously, I went on to do my own research to find out what was actually helpful and what wasn’t, and only tried things that wouldn’t effect my health or my ability to wake up in the night to see to my baby. You are welcome to check out my 5 point dissertation on my TikTok on what actually helped me sleep better but I don’t really want to go too much into it on this post, as I urge everyone to do their own research and find out what can work best for them and their sleep routines with their babies. What I will say tough, is I now incorporate the things I had tried for myself into my bedtime routine and it has made a world of difference for me.
Life saver groups AKA baby groups
Baby song, baby play and stay, and baby massage. Thank the baby gods for all these things. Honestly, I do not know where I’d be today if it wasn’t for all the free baby activities that are provided by British councils. I feel so fortunate to be able to attend them and also feel so lucky that my LO loves attending them. We stopped baby massage though, one reason was because we just couldn’t make it work as we are already doing 3 baby activities a week. The other reason is because Lettuce has such an energetic personality and prefers to be stimulated and sociable when she is around other babies. Baby groups have been a life saver for me because of her personality too. She’s an adventurer, and an explorer, a little bit of an extrovert already! She loves interacting with other babies and breaking up the week by making sure she gets to do this also helps me stay sane, and stops me singing the same nursery rhymes 85 times a week.
Music
I’ve been trying to introduce baby girl to music a lot more lately which has been lots of fun. We have been having dance parties almost every day and when we do, I make sure that we are listening to uplifting music only.
While I was at the gym a couple of weeks ago I had an experience which made me realise how much of an effect the music I listen to has on me. This is something I have always known but like everything I suppose, it just hits differently since having a baby. Being an indie girl at heart, I was listening to something dreary and oddly romantic in its own right while lifting some weights. I suddenly felt very emotional and in turn was unable to continue the workout even though I was already 2 sets in. The emotion was so undeniably physical that I was in shock. After that experience, I had to stop and think to myself how this type of music must be subconsciously effecting me on my ‘survival mode’ days throughout the month. Since then, I’ve only been listening to disco music especially on the grey days and before the extremely repetitive bedtime routine.
Now as I said earlier, these are things that I have been doing to help me get through the month. They are not the only things but definitely a few stand out points. I have also been cooking more home cooked meals, working out, working on my mindset and trying to keep in touch with friends more too. These things are mainly shared to inspire you especially if seasonal survival mode flows into the next few months. If you have any wonderful tips to share too, please do share them in the comments below as I would love to keep the conversation open ❤
Shamar Viberg 